No café is running on Hoozh yet.
You’d be the first. This is the part of a landing page where the customer logos go, so here is what I have instead: every part of Hoozh, sorted into what runs today, what runs unevenly, what’s built and switched off, and what doesn’t exist at all. I wrote the last group myself, and that’s the only reason the first one is worth reading.
The real price of software like this isn’t the monthly fee — it’s the weekend somebody spends typing in every item, recipe and supplier price. On every product you’ve bought before, that somebody was you. Here it’s me: send a month of invoices as photos and a link to your menu, and I build the item list, the recipes and the costs. You sit down once and correct me. Expect me to be wrong about modifiers and yields.
Your Square till. Real OAuth, sales in, stock down, low items surfaced — and every message Square sends is signature-checked before Hoozh believes it.
Ordering, end to end. Draft, approve, send from your own Gmail, then the supplier’s reply is read and matched against what you ordered and what you were billed.
Your data out, one click. Settings → Security hands you one file with every table Hoozh keeps for your business — and any table it couldn’t read is named in the file rather than quietly dropped.
Delete means delete. You type your business name in full, your Stripe subscription is cancelled before a single row is touched, and if Stripe refuses to cancel, nothing is deleted at all.
Two-factor login. Owner and manager accounts can turn on an authenticator app with backup codes — but it switches itself off, and says so, wherever its database migration hasn’t run.
The check that keeps businesses apart. A runtime check watches every query for one that isn’t scoped to a single business. Today it reports them rather than blocking them — my choice, written down in the code as my choice.
The phone answering. About 37,000 lines and a full set of screens. The production switches are on — an earlier version of this page said they were all off, which was wrong, and I’d rather correct it here than leave it. It still goes live one café at a time, on its own voice plan, and no café is running on Hoozh yet — so nobody’s calls are being answered by Hoozh today, including mine.
Clover, Shopify, Lightspeed, QuickBooks, Xero, and the rota tools. Written for every one of them. Clover and Shopify have part of their keys in production and still cannot complete a connection — Clover is missing its webhook signing key, Shopify its client secret. So Square is the only till you can actually connect today.
The phone apps. The iOS build is real Swift that can’t ship without an Apple developer account; Android is a sideload. Hoozh runs in your browser, and that’s all.
Toast. No native code at all. A Toast till can feed Hoozh through a daily sales feed, but there is no Toast integration to connect, and I’d rather you heard that here than in month two.
Backups that run themselves. The backup and restore scripts exist and I run them by hand. Nothing runs them on a schedule. It’s the weakest line on this page and the next thing I’m fixing.
A security audit. No SOC 2, no ISO 27001, no penetration test. Credentials are encrypted, every incoming webhook is signature-checked, and 662 test files sit beside the code — none of it reviewed by anyone but me.
An uptime number. There’s a health check that goes red when the database would break the app, but no status page and no monitor behind it — so I have no uptime figure to give you.
Customers. No café is running on Hoozh yet. That’s the line a logo wall would normally cover, and I’m not going to invent one.
Being first is worth something: what you ask for is what I build next. You’d be shaping this around your café rather than waiting in a queue behind a thousand other people.
I can’t tell you what Hoozh saves you — I have no customers, so any figure would be invented and you’d be right to throw it out. I can tell you what it does today, what it doesn’t, and who to shout at when it’s wrong.
Sobhan — who wrote the code and reads the email.